Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
