I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
