So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
