Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
