He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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