last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
