2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
