idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
