i barfeds in our rink
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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