how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
