you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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