I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I believe in your delicious
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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