escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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