Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
