Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
