Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
