Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Less talking, more tequila
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
