I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
