Sacagawea was the original milf.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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