I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
