Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
