one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
