i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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