Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
