I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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