Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
