btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let's get the cat blown out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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