The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In other news, I just burned my penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
