What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
