Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
