If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
