she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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