You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
