Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
