youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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