I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
