my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
