I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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