Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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