i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Two words: nipple clamps
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