I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
