Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
