the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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