im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
