i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
