Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I supernannyed him into submission
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
