you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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