Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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