Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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