that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
