Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
